ok well the b/f boycotted my "health intervention" so I had to catch Alfred myself, which went... poorly, I turned out the lights and every time I thought I had him he'd slip out of my hands, he got out of his cage and fluttered around the room (good thing I'd had the foresight to kick out the cats!) and finally I caught him.
He was SUCH a good boy for his eye cleaning! I let him hold onto one of my fingers and I kept the rest curled lightly around him and he sat there so nicely for me! and yes he has TWO eyes

the bad eye is terribly inflamed, it's actually pushed forward a bit so I wasn't sure if it was the eye or not until he opened it and looked at me! I used plain warm water and a soft rag and very gently soaked the feathers over the eye until they started to lift off it. I used a very fine pair of recurved foreceps to gently tease the feathers that were glued down off his eye (I didn't pluck them they're the feathers that sit above the eye and were stuck over top of it). I don't think I tore any skin, although his eye was oozing pinkish fluid the last time I peeked in at him, so I might have

It took me about 1/2 an hour to do the whole process, from catching to washing and I put on a little dab of polysporin which seemed to help lube up the eye enough for him to fully open it. The eye is terribly itchy, as soon as I put him back he started rubbing it on his perch. I think he's still visual in it though! I was taking some pics (I'll post tomorrow) and he kept his bad side to me and kept bobbing his head like he was looking! Now here's my question... how often should I be cleaning his eye and ointmenting it?
Also, there was a hole almost direcly below his eye sitting diagonally beneath the crease of his bill, is that his ear? The feathers were all clumped and icky around it too, but he didn't like me soaking those, kept shaking his head and pecking at the cloth. It would make sense if it was his ear and the fluid from his eye was draining through it, although I'm surprised his nares weren't clogged with junk from his infected eye as well
The eye had about 4 millet/seed husks stuck in the feathers surrounding it and I did pull some yellowish gunk away from it. Hopefully now that it's open (and he's keeping it open too) the rest of it will drain away nicely. I didn't smell terribly bad, I've smelt much worse infections on other animals, but it did smell a little bit.
Should I invest in some of that broad spectrum antibiotic they sell at the pet store?
I feel SO badly for the little guy

It's really hard not to be angry at our friends for being SO ignorant! The bad thing is, if I tell him he has that eye still they'll either A) feel really bad or B) think it regrew.... I think I'll wait and see if he survives this ordeal. What a tough little bird to have lasted THIS many MONTHS with that icky icky eye! It'll be a shame if I kill him with the stress of trying to fix it

woops! sorry for the novel!